Posted by: pharaohhoundflash | November 24, 2010

Chocolate, raisins and doggie morphine

Well I had the kind of night that could show up in the doggie version of Sid and Nancy. It all started when Lauressa was getting her Thanksgiving groceries out of the car. She left me in the house with my Tug-a-Jug snack. Of course, I’m so good with the Tug-a-Jug that the dribble of kibble she put in there did not last long.

So I outsmarted “the mama” when I saw that the door wasn’t quite latched shut. I nudged it open with my snout (this big schnoz often comes in handy) and headed down to see what else I could get into. And there it was—the holy grail—3 or 4 bags of groceries all by their lonesome until I arrived to keep them company. I looked around—Lauressa? No where in sight—still out in the car messing with something. Ahhhh, perfect. I had my choice. Spinach? Nah. Green beans? Uh, maybe later. Rutabegas? What was she thinking? Brazil nuts—those look pretty good. But hmmmm. . . what are the dark brown, sweet-smelling chunks of goodness? Living up to my namesake, I tore into the bag like a FLASH. And boy am I thorough. . . not even a crumb left in that bag, baby. Here’s where it starts to get ugly.

Lauressa walks in with another grocery bag in hand. “What are YOU doing OUT HERE?” she questions.

I say nothing, hoping to remain under the radar. Damn, the bag, the empty bag! It’s right there on the floor. I’m busted.

“WHAT did you get into, Flash?!” asks Lauressa, this time with a little more concern in her voice. She riffles through the bags. “Ah, shit, Flash. Not the raw cacao goji energy bars!”  

“But I thought they were organic!” I’m quick to reply—a weak offer, but at least it was something! “What, you can’t share?” Another good one!

“Flash, you know dogs cannot eat chocolate! Even worse, I think this stuff has raisins in it! Ughhhh! You are in for a not-very-fun night.”

Lauressa spent the next hour squirting droppers-full of 3% hydrogen peroxide down my throat, about a teaspoon at a time every 15 minutes and jogging me around the complex and Lake Underhill. I felt a bit fizzy inside, but otherwise fine. Lauressa kept saying, “C’mon, Flash, you need to puke or else you’re going to have to go to Animal Emergency Center. . . and you really are not going to like that.” I just gave her that helpless look and thought, “Sorry, mom, nothing’s happening.”

One phone call to Whole Foods Market and internet search later—

Organic Raw Cacao Goji Energy SquaresIngredients: Organic Raw Dates, Organic Raw Sunflower Seeds, Organic Raisins, Organic Raw Apricots(may contain rice flour), Organic Raw Cacao Powder, Organic Raw Sesame Seeds Unhulled, Organic Sunflower Meal, Organic Raw Shredded Coconut, Organic Raw Goji Powder, Natural Flavors(gluten free,msg free).

Chocolate–“can be lethal at rate of 1 ounce per 10 lbs of body weight.” [Lauressa checks receipt: .32lb, that’s 1/3 pound or 3 oz + I weigh 32 lbs = trouble for me)

Raisins–“can cause renal failure in dogs, even just one or two raisins in a small dog”

“Dammit, Flash, I’m sorry, but get in the car; you have to go.”

An hour and a half after I’d enjoyed my food escapade, I was getting poked, prodded and INJECTED with apomorphine. Let me tell you, I have no idea what junkies see in this morphine stuff. It made me puke immediately and profusely (and has left me today with the most drowsy hangover I’ve ever had in my life!). Then I had to eat this black stuff called “TOXIBAN”—some kind of activated charcoal. That wasn’t as bad as it sounds. I’ll eat anything, after all—haven’t I already proved that?!

Another hour (and $200+ dollars) later, I was home, chugging water from my bowl like a race horse—soon to be peeing like one too. 1 a.m.—Pee time! 5 a.m.—Gotta pee again! And these were not little pees, my friends! These were like a dam breaking. After the second one, though, I was out. The sedative effect of the morphine kicked in and I’ve barely wanted to lift my head since.

And apparently, this party ain’t over. Lauressa found a few of these chocolate chunks—completely in tact, mind you—in my poop, so she’s still worried. We’re headed to spend more of her money later this afternoon. I think I’m turned off to these raw cacao chunks for good! But don’t tempt me. . . even those with the best intentions easily fall off the wagon.

Delicious, yes, but not worth it!



  1. Flash….what can I say. You are living with a saint – be nice to her. Have a nice Thanksgiving – be nice…..
    I just noticed the picture – they do look good and I am pretty sure you weren’t going to get any……..:)

  2. To Flash from Tanner: I’m totally with ya, bug guy. I’ve enjoyed the rich delights of rice krispie treats, a decadent jumbo chocolate bar, and a bowl of grapes that no one was guarding. In pack language, I’m pretty sure that means I was supposed to eat them, right?!!!

    The joke was on my mom after I devoured an entire pan of rice krispie treats. She had a bit of a problem getting the sticky stuff out of the grass. BOL!!!

  3. […] just a quick update. Everything is a-okay. Yes, indeed. Despite the chocolate-raisin scare, the induced vomitting, the passing of said chocolate-raisin-goji-berry energ…(which means all was not vomitted). One emergency clinic and two follow-up vet visits later, and […]

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